9/15/09

      

THE MORNING LINE - WHO WILL BE THE NEXT MAYOR?

       HERE ARE THE LATEST ODDS ON WHO TAKES OVER WHEN

       ANTONIO RESIGNS OVER SCANDALS OR HIS SECOND TERM RUNS OUT

     

              

                 

NEXT IN LINE: LAURA CHICK: HARD-HEADED AND STIFF-HAIRED. STATESWOMAN-LIKE. NEEDS TO DISCOVER THAT PICO BLVD. IS

NOT THE CITY'S SOUTHERN BORDER. DIDN'T TAKE SPANISH IN

HIGH SCHOOL. POTENTIALLY SHREWD ENOUGH TO TAKE DOWN

LITTLE RICKY AND EDGE OUT GRUEL FOR THE GENDER BOUNCE

VOTE. IF SHE SCARES AWAY SUPER-WIMP ZEV,

SHE OWNS THE JEWISH VOTE.      

             ODDS:  4-1

WENDY GRUEL: IS SHE ACTUALLY JEWISH OR HOPING JEWISH VOTERS WILL AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMES SHE IS JEWISH. LIKE THE WAY DENNIS ZINE BEAT JUDITH HERSHBERG. TOO EARLY. HOPES FOR MORE TERM LIMITS EROSION AND SHE'S YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE ELECTED MAYORESS GRUEL IN 2021. WHO IS HER HAIR COLORIST? MY COMPLIMENTS. WORD OF ADVICE: WHEN WOMEN POLITICIANS GET ANGRY, THEY ARE CALLED "SHRILL" BY THEIR OPPONENTS. TOO MUCH, TOO SOON, WENDY.

            ODDS;   5:1

NEXT COME THE SURE LOSERS, THOUGH HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL IN THE HUMAN BREAST. THE CANDIDATES BELOW CAN RAISE THE $MILLIONS IT TAKES TO RUN A SERIOUS CAMPAIGN. THEY DON'T HAVE ANIMAL NICKNAMES, RUNNING IS A TERRIFIC EGO BOOST IF YOU DON'T MIND CRASHING ON ELECTION NIGHT AFTER THE FIRST BATCH OF VOTES ARE COUNTED. THE CANDIDATES DOWN HERE CAN ATTRACT AFFINITY VOTERS WHICH CAN BE BARTERED BY THE LOSER IN THE ALL-WHITE RUN-OFF.

ZEV YAROSLAVSKY- LACKS COJONES TO ENGAGE IN A REAL

BATTLE. HASN'T WON AN EVEN BATTLE SINCE HE BEAT ROZ

WYMAN IN 75. ONE FULL TERM AS SUPE BEFORE HE'S

TERMED OUT. BELONGS IN EITHER OF THE TWO WAX

MUSEUMS IN HOLLYWOOD. AND IS SO OUT OF IT WITH

THE HISPANIC VOTE THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW

WHAT "COJONES" MEANS IN ENGLISH" ASK BILL ROSENDAHL.

          ODDS: 10:1

ALEX PADILLA. LOST IN SACRAMENTO. THIS IS THE MAN WHO STOOD OUT WHEN HE WAS ACTING MAYOR ON 9/11. REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN HE WAS CITY COUNCIL PRESIDENT. CURRENTLY WASTING HIS TIME ON SURE LOSER GAVIN NEWSOM'S CAMPAIGN. ANTONIO LOATHES HIM BUT SACRAMENTO SPECIAL INTERESTS WILL BACK HIS EGO WITH BIG SACRO-BUCKS. ALEX IS A VALLEY MEXICAN AMERICAN. SUCKLED AT THE BREAST OF RICHARD 'ZORRO' ALARCON. POOR ALEX IS TOTALLY LOST IN SOUTH L.A. THINKS NICKERSON GARDENS IS AN ABANDONED ICE RINK.

          ODDS:  15:1

RICK CARUSO. TOO COOL TO ACTUALLY RUN. INVESTIGATIVE REPORTERS WOULD JUMP ON HIS GRAY (NOT QUITE SHADY REAL ESTATE SCHEMES.) THE LAST ITALIAN IN LA POLITICS WILL REMAIN JOHN FERRARO. WAS SEEN CHEWING GUM WHILE PRESIDING OVER POLICE COMMISION. BENEATH THE THIN VENEER ,THERE IS THICK VENEER. HE IS ALL VENEER. RICK'S FOREHEAD ACTUALLY SHINES.

HE'S AN ODD COMBINATION OF GOOMBAH AND MAIN STEM

REPUBLICAN.' I KNEW RICHARD RIORDAN. RICHARD RIORDAN

WAS A FRIEND OF MINE. AND YOU, RICK CARUSO, ARE NO

RICHARD RIORDAN! IT'S LITTLE RICKY OVER BIG RICKY.

GARCETTI GETS MOST OF THE DEVELOPER BIG BUCKS. CARUSO

IS A NOTORIOUS CHEAPSKATE. HE'S NOT PLOWING HIS OWN

MILLIONS INTO A CAMPAIGN.HE'LL PLAY THE COQETTE GAME

TILL THE LAST FILING MOMENT. THEN BUG OUT. WHO CARES?

     ODDS:   25-1

BILL ROSENDAHL:BRINGING  UP THE REAR. NO PUN INTENDED.

CAN RAISE ENOUGH FROM OBVIOUS WEST SIDE SOURCES. THE MOST

GARRULOUS CITY COUNCILMAN. A CREDIBLE RUN; MAYBE  15% MAKE HIM MR. POLITICALLY CORRECT FOR DECADES TO COME,(NO PUN INTENDED)

          ODDS:  30:1

MARK RIDLEY-THOMAS, SIR MARK OF THE ROYAL HOUSE OF RIDLEY. WON AGAINST MY NON-ATTORNEY BERNIE BECAUSE HE WAS MARGINALLY LESS STIFF AND STUFFY. WITHOUT BIG LABOR HE'S NOTHING. AND BIG LABOR WILL GO WITH GIL GARCETTI'S SOLE PROGENY (AS FAR AS WE KNOW) THERE HAS TO BE A BLACK CANDIDATE.HE WILL ATTRACT THE BLACK VOTE AND DELIVER IT TO ONE OF THE TWO WHITE RUNNERS-OFF. HAS SIR MARK EVER VISITED THE HINTERLANDS WEST OF THE L.A. RIVER?

        odds: 40:1

Sharp eye

on the prize? Obama’s

pick to watch the stimulus wallet.

Is Zev Working out his “cajones” for a Mayor run?

Does he really think Santa will make him

Mayor?

It’s gonna

take more than prayers to get elected.

Is Bill taking campaign advice from the guru of Zuma?

If he can’t succeed

Antonio, Ridley-Thomas can always play Urkel’s Uncle - has anyone else

noticed the likeness? MRT’s face is bigger than his glasses - but otherwise...

Quien es mas

bonita?

Quien es mas

macho?

Qien es Mayor?

Great hair.

sharp outfit,

dressed

for a win.

Her only competition for fashion

plate at City Hall -

Garcetti.

ODDS ON FAVORITE:COUNCIL PRESIDENT GARCETTI

(EVERY MOTHER'S SON. HE'S MEXICAN, HE's JEWISH, HE'S DEVELOPER-FRIENDLY, HE'S GAY-FRIENDLY.) NEEDS TO WORK ON BLACK VOTE. GETS TO BE THE MAYOR WHEN ANTONIO'S OUT OF TOWN,REAL EXPERIENCE; ON THE JOB TRAINING.

"THEY CALL ME  MR. PRESIDENT!

ODDS: 3-1